Why must I be so insecure? I act on impulse not on whats best for others or even myself. So obsessed with material things to make myself feel better and look better. I love you but why does that matter? When I cant even show it?

why cant i feel like i belong?
somewhere.. with someone..
i jus keep tryna find release
different methods, arts been takin a big place
in my life these days. being inspired and
acting towards it.
invokin feelins inside me.
fuck it..

makes ya think..

"You choose to make love. If he really loves you, he would only want the best for you. He wouldnt put you in a risky situation like that. If its true love, why doesnt he stop you? Yeah.. fuck this lil idea of love.."

....

Fuuuccccccck, its kind of funny how things eventually turn out.. who would've known I could feel this way for someone? Missing them.. wanting them constantly.. not being able to have them with me at all times. I'm slowly realizing how love actually is.. it's a bitch. Fuck love!

Yeah kind of confused? Let me explain.. if you go to an all girl school like me, you can only see your boyfriend once a week, if your lucky. You lose touch with other friends, but are perfectly okay with that. You yearn for him constantly, miss his affection and sweet loving words. Then when that 1day out of the week comes up.. your not satisfied. You need to see him more. And thats when you think you've fallen in love.

If you go to school with your love, you see them everyday. And you still need to see more of him. But you'll never have enough. Confusing isnt it? How everyone is so quick to jump onto this plane heading to cloud9.. not realizing you'll never be fully satisfied..

Its too bad I lost to the game..

092509

<3333333333333

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn you hav my heart in the palm of your hands .... take good care of it!

sooooooooo

here I am.. doing a five page essay for hopkins that I was sick lagging with. now I hav to do it all in one night. whats up with all my teachers saying I talk in class?????? idk what they're talking bout.... =)

Im slipping n slipping n slipping, havent fell yet.

I dont want to hurt him but I need to be careful with my heart.

'Dont want to be that girl this second time around.'

but I gotta addmiiiiiittt... he's been running through my mind like crrrraaazzzzzzzy